Fed.

I have food in my refrigerator and pantry. I put it there because I want to make sure my children have what they need to grow and develop properly. When I plan a weekly menu,  I make sure there are representatives of every food group- some veggies, fruits, grains, proteins, dairy products. I take time to make their meals delicious and enjoyable. I want my kids to be completely nourished and satisfied. We work hard so they won't be hungry.

Now, imagine that at about 5 o'clock every day, I walked down into my kitchen, tied on an apron, and made a dinner for two.  My kids-who really don't want to be bothered with coming to the table, don't like to be told what to do, and have other things they prefer to do - just help themselves to whatever they can scrounge up without getting up off the sofa. My husband and I sit down at the table and eat the delicious, nutritious food and wonder why our kids are acting so poorly... they are bickering and grouching and lazy and rude.  What is the problem with our kids? We ask ourselves... they're acting hungry, we'd say- but how can that be? We've got plenty of food in the cabinet! the fridge is stocked!  We have full bellies!

As ridiculous as that sounds, I wonder if it's possible that any of us do that for our children on a spiritual level? Do we put Bibles on shelves, play Christian music in the background, and hang scripture on our walls and wait for our kids to serve themselves? Do we wake up early for a devotional time, attend Bible studies, and have deep spiritual conversations with our friends, while letting our kids catch what they can? And then, are we wondering why our children seem to be spiritually starving?

This year, I intend to put as much time into making sure my children are fed spiritually as I put into making sure they are fed physically. I want to be sure that I don't assume they're getting fed just because spiritual nourishment is readily available. I know that it's my job to take the time to grow spiritually- but I don't want to pretend that it's just going to settle into my children's hearts by osmosis. 

I desperately want to see my children grow to be the men & women God created them to be. Could there be any greater joy? Is this your dream too? What do you do to make sure your children are not spiritually malnourished? I'm genuinely interested in hearing what you have to say- please share....

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

Deuteronomy 4:9

New Year.

This year.

Oh, this year.

This wonderful, horrible, beautiful, stupid year.

I could tell from the beginning it was going to be ... different.

In fact, early on I titled this 'The year of obedience'- a vow to work at keeping perspective and focusing on obeying God no matter what the cost- and I was pumped up and ready to take this year on!

Of course, about a year ago:

• I wasn't a full-time college student
• I had two more grandparents on earth
• My church family was seemingly intact
• I was ready to teach all the way through the book of Joshua in an online study
• The biggest deal with my son was counting down 'til his 16th birthday
• My daughters were easygoing 11 year olds full of optimism and sweetness
• All my appliances worked
• My roof didn't leak
• I was (some really big number) pounds lighter
• My dental history was significantly less traumatic
• My expenses were several hundred dollars less a month
• I blogged on regular basis

What I discovered is that obedience is difficult under any circumstances, but in the midst of serious homework, deep grief, shock and hurt, disappointment, loss, disgust, shame, terror, irritation, pain, fatness, and unexpected expenses... well, it's downright impossible without God. In fact, if I would have known how hard this year was going to be, I think I would have called this 'The year of pampering' and skipped all the trials altogether.

but God.

I love stories that have a 'but God' in them... the ones where everything seems bleak or hopeless- impossible or ridiculous, and then the whole story turns around. And that, my friends, is exactly true in my story. While  I can't say that about halfway through the year the story changed and I lived happily ever after, I can tell you with certainty that in the midst of these trials, God's goodness was woven into every fiber. And that made 2011 worth a closer look.

You see,  I maybe could have fast forwarded past college, past the deaths of my grandma, Ruby, in December and my grandpa, Bud, in March, past our church family's Big.Fat.Mess (which is a waaaay bigger part of this story than I can write about at this time), past the point when I had to confess I could not 'do everything' and put the study on hold halfway through, beyond the worry of my son being a licensed driver and having a supercute girlfriend, past the intermittently hormonal personality change of two 12 year old twins who shall not be named, skipped the failings of several major and minor appliances, past learning the effects of stress eating + homework on the size of one's butt, past the trips to the dentist for major work, and past the new expenses of a new car payment, insurance on a 16 year old kid's car, and all sorts of other new bills, and beyond the life-induced coma of my blog... but God knew the exact path that was necessary for what He had in store for me.  And had I asked Him to take me around the rubble instead of through the storms? Well, 

I would have missed out on some really amazing things:

• The birth of a long-prayed for nephew
• The work of God as a comforter, restorer, rebuilder
• The joy of celebrating 20 amazing years of marriage in Washington, DC
• The strengthening of my relationship with my husband
• The thrill of surprising my bestie in TX as a treat from her husband
• The new friends I made and cherish from the part of the study that we did get to do
• The lessons I learned and needed from the first half of the study
• Seeing my son grow into a more responsible, thoughtful young man 
• Watching my daughters become young ladies much more gracefully than I ever did
• Seeing how fun it is to have a car that can fit more than just our family in it
• Counting my blessings and realizing that my trials, though hard for me and no less traumatic, are insignificant when compared to those of people in much more desperate situations then my own... people who have lost children, spouse, homes this year. 
• Watching Christians pull together to take care of a horrible situation the best they can
• The satisfaction of standing firm for God's plan instead of running and hiding for my own
• Deeper, richer, truer friendships
• The excitement of finding clearanced-out stainless steel appliances and the ridiculous joy of having them in my kitchen 
• The silly thrill of a 4.0 GPA
• Trips to CO, TX, GA, and AZ
• The re-connection with several friends I haven't heard from in years
• The new, closer, more dependent relationship I have with God- because of His care for me, I have more faith, stronger resolve, better character... and best of all? hope.

So... back to the Year of Obedience ...

This year.

Oh, this year.

This wonderful, horrible, beautiful, stupid year.

I am grateful for the lessons learned, the blessings given, the chances to obey. I am happy that I chose to press on and not crawl in my bed and finish out the year in my bed. I am happy for the chance to watch God work in times of tribulation...

But most of all?

I'm glad it's over.

Here's to 2012- the year of Hope. Not my will, Lord, but Yours.

-HisGirl,

amber

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us

Romans 5:1-5

running the race.

*peeks up through the fog* hallllllllllllloooooooooooooo? Is anyone out there?

I am so thrilled! I am out for school for AN ENTIRE MONTH! If you were in my house when I turned in my final paper, you would have seen something like this:

There is something so awesome about passing a milemarker, even if you're not that close to the finishline.  It keeps you movin' and it's always nice to have an excuse to take a little breather, reset, refocus, and prepare for the next leg of the race (I say that like I actually ever run on purpose, did any of you fall for that?) I am loving checking these short but intense five-week courses off my list one at a time. Just knowing that some progress has been made gives me hope to keep on running. Making it to Christmas break feels just plain amazing.


I'm super happy that I have some time to kick back and enjoy the Christmas season with my family.  I intend to be purposefully present this year- I'm leaving the gift giving frenzy to people with more time and money than I have, and settling for less under the tree in exchange for richer memories.  I don't want to focus so much on the trying to push the pace that I miss the good stuff along the way.


The thing is, though sometimes it feels like I'm on a slow pace uphill in regard to my schooling, my kids are picking up speed.  The boy is preparing for his second semester of his JUNIOR YEAR and the girls are already on the better side of the awkward twelves.  My conversations with my son are often about careers and college and making all those big life choices.  My daughters are amazing me with their new, more mature selves (inside and out) and how gracefully they're handling all the changes they're facing.  I keep watching milestone after milestone whiz by and realizing that it won't be long before all three start running their own race.


Although that could sound a little melancholy for a post that began with the Peanuts Gang doing the happy dance, I have to say that I don't really feel all that sad at all.  Though part of me would like to keep them all close, there's something about this that just feels right.  It's right that they are growing up, it's right that they are becoming more independent, making plans and choices independent of mine, it's right that they are becoming the people that God created them to be... this is what I've been praying for all along.  How could I ask for anything more? All this time I spend with these guys, all I've invested... it's not for me to keep for myself, it's to turn over to God for him to use for his Glory.  If my children, by His grace, run up ahead of me- I shouldn't be sad that they're out of my control as long as they're headed on the path that God has placed before them.  The more I realize that these kids aren't mine to keep as trophies, the more enthusiastically I'll be able to cheer them on when it's my time to watch from the sidelines. 


And so, I'll wind up this all-too-wordy-extra-rusty-way-too-out-of-practice blog post with this scripture and a promise to not be a stranger... I intend to stop by this spot often over this break, and I hope to see you here- it feels great to be back- even for a few weeks. 

Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ’s return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless.

Philippians 2:16

love to all,

Checking In.

Hello, Friends!

This week held an unexpected surprise... no school for the kids... AND ME! It took me an entire 7 days to stop thinking that I should be working on homework or studying or something, just in time to return tomorrow, haha. Isn't that how it always goes?

Though I've allowed no time for hobbies- (reading for pleasure, blogging, socializing , laundry) over the last (how many has it been? 11?) months as I wandered back into Academia, I can honestly report that it hasn't been as horrid as I feared. I've been forced to be purposeful with my schedule and carve out really deep quality time with my children and husband. I've found myself more disciplined with my minutes and enjoying the simple things a whole lot more. Homework is hard, but so far (by God's grace) I've been able to keep great grades and still stay closely connected to the people in my home... which has to be enough for now. I've learned a million things that I can't wait to hash out on the blog as soon as I am able to come back here for real.  God is amazing, ya'll- and He's been next to me through this whole journey. The story is just building in my mind- I am anxious to type it all out for you, friends!

This month, I've had the pleasure of listing something I'm thankful for every day of November as my first post of the day of Facebook.  It's a great practice, and I'm thinking of stretching it out a little because of the effect it is having on my outlook each day. Today, I am thanking God for you, my bloggy friends- for even though I've had to lay this little project aside for this season, you are never far from my heart.  It's impossible (especially right now with my rusty blogging skillz) for me to express how much this community means to me.  The friends I've made here, the perspective, the encouragement, the pure joy and honor of forming these hard-to-explain-to-the-nonblogging-world relationships are nothing but blessing to me.  I miss you guys, and I can't wait until the day when I can return here.  

Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God.

Philippians 1:3 NLT

xo

HisGirl

Twenty.

Twenty years ago, I married my superhero.  I still love the guy- in fact, I think I love him more every year.  That's quite a cause for celebration! 


This evening, someone asked me why I think we've been able to make it when so many people bail out of marriage before they make it to their 20 year anniversary. I told him the truth- it's all Jesus. If not for the grace of God, there is no way we would be able to survive. I am not going to say it's always easy- but it certainly has been FAR from being always difficult. We've laughed, loved, and learned along the way. In honor of our Twenty Year Anniversary, Jason and I are sharing 20 lessons we've discovered over the last two decades:

1. Put Jesus first.
2. Hold hands.
3. Keep accountability- no spending time alone with the opposite sex.
4. Celebrate anniversaries! Really celebrate! 
5. Treat marriage like a covenant- not a contract.  This is 'til death- not 'til I feel like you're not holding up your end of the bargain.
6. Stay on the same team- never let the kids know they outnumber you
7. Go on dates without the kids. often.
8. Find hobbies you enjoy doing together- and some that you enjoy doing separately. 
9. Admit when you're wrong. Apologize.
10. Forgive.
11. Attend Church together.  Make the time.
12. Spend time with friends who support your marriage- who won't let you rip on your spouse for too long, and who encourage you to love your spouse more, and to spend time with your family.
13. Discuss all big purchases with each other.
14. Remember that even a quick text can let the other know you are thinking of them
15. Consider the needs of your spouse above your own.
16. Be grateful- tell God AND your spouse how thankful you are for him/her
17. Don't pray that God will change your spouse- pray that He'll change your heart so either you'll be ready for a changed spouse or content with what is.
18. Wear attractive pajamas. Bedtime is no time to be looking your worst.  There are plenty of comfy jammies that don't look like they belong on a child, an elf,  the 'donate' pile, or your great-grandmother.
19. Say "I love you" every day- no exceptions.
20. Kiss. Often.

As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:31-33

anniversary shots from days of yore

I'm sure I could come up with a wittier, more romantic post if I really tried, but I am beat, exhausted, soooo tired.  If you are so inclined, you can see more anniversary posts here:

16th anniversary  17th anniversary  18th anniversary  19th anniversary

Waves

a similar scene, several years ago.

My kids and I slipped out for a quick trip to the beach this morning. It was really nice to be able to hang with my peeps a little before I head in to work tonight.


In sharp contrast to the weather in my hometown (a blistering one hundred and a million degrees) it was downright chilly on the seashore today. I sat in a chair and watched my girls as they tried to wade into the icy ocean, jumping over waves and dodging incoming seaweed.


For a short time, the waves got a little more aggressive. From my seat I could see the whitecapped waves rolling toward my tall, lanky daughters... at first they were standing confidently, but as the bursts kept hitting them, they became less sure on their feet.  Finally, I was getting ready to go on out and tell them to come closer to shore.


Just as I started to stand, I noticed the girls inched closer to one another.  Their arms extended one toward another and they grasped hands.  Suddenly, they were steady.  They were able to stand firm, facing the waves, and before long I could see them laughing and jumping.


It reminded me how fortunate I am to have been given 'brothers and sisters' to face the waves with.  Just knowing that they are there for me when I am feeling unsure and unsteady is a beautiful, beautiful thing.  Those waves, they are nasty.  They want to knock us down, and drag us off into the deep, but we don't have to be afraid.


And you know why? 'Cause God sent us everything we need- including each other.  We can reach out, hold hands, and even when the sand is shifting under our feet, we can steady one another- reminding ourselves about the good things that are happening, the blessings we share, and the hope of Jesus that never wavers. We can laugh together, we can lend a listening ear, and we can hold each other up.


When times get rough, there's always going to be people who seem to enjoy the drama. Let's not focus on them.  Let's gather in tighter, closer, let's clasp hands in prayer... and let's praise God in unison- for these waves are no match for the Creator of the mountains and the seas!!!

You rule the oceans.
 You subdue their storm-tossed waves.
You crushed the great sea monster.
You scattered your enemies with your mighty arm.

Psalm 89:9-10

There are “friends” who destroy each other,
but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24

An idea

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 5:29-32

I love social media.  It's given me so many opportunities to connect with people I otherwise might not even know.  And the re-connections! To see how my childhood friends have grown and blossomed has been nothing but a blessing.


There's one feature I would like to build in, though- something that Christians could have installed on their accounts as a safeguard: a passion-delay option.  When someone's feeling especially riled up, it would be great for a little screen to pop up with the following questions before they change their status:

Did you pray about this?
Are you being kind? Even to your enemies?
Are you helping the situation?
Are you sure this is true?
If an unbeliever reads this, will it draw them to Christ?
What is your honest motivation?
Is this truly a prayer request, or is this an attempt to find a loophole big enough to slip gossip through?
Are your words causing unity or division?
Would this be better leftunsaid?
Is anyone going to be hurt or stumbled by this?
Who will benefit from this post?
Would this be better said privately?
Are you SURE you don't want to cool down before you post this?

Wouldn't it be nice if this feature existed? Wouldn't it be nice if everyone used it?


It makes me cringe when I see someone I love post remarks on FB or Twitter that are clearly meant to be a barb at someone else I love. Do they realize the rocks they throw hit other people in the crossfire? Are they aware of the pain they're causing? Do they worry that the world is watching us tear each other apart?  I can't know.


Here's what I do know- it's making me much more aware of the words I use in social media.  When I feel compelled to complain about service in a store, I am going to remember that it's someone's livelihood. When I want to insult a person's outfit, I'm going to remember that the wearer is someone's child.  When I feel compelled to take a stab at someone's church leadership, I am going to remember the congregants. If I wanna say something about a celebrity or politician, I'm going to remember that person has a mother, a child, or a spouse who loves them.  Above all,  I'm going to try to be really mindful of the fact that Christ died for all sinners, not just me.


I can't control what other people write, but I can be more careful about what I write.  Will you join me in an effort to make social media a brighter place?


May God bless us all.