obedience.

Tomorrow will be my FIVE year anniversary on staff in the Children's Ministry department at my church. I have to confess, I didn't go willingly. Not at all. I had many 'why nots' of why I couldn't do it. I had been attending the church since 1994 and had resisted successfully for years.

My previous church had a very unfortunate incident that I thought had taught me the lesson that ignorance is bliss. I had convinced myself that if I simply sat in a pew, taught a little Sunday School, and kept to myself, I would never again have to see the flaws in the church that I loved so much. I didn't want to experience that terrible revelation that things are not what they seem ever again. Besides, in my heart, I was still a stay-at-home mommy. Certainly God wouldn't call me away from that!

So, when God started tapping my shoulder again, I prayed, "Well Lord... I hear you there but I'm not sure you've taken my broken heart into account. Furthermore, what are we going to do with the girls until they start kindergarten? Also, You know I've been at this other job for the last ten years and I love it here. What if I don't quit, but I volunteer on a regular basis in the office, getting projects done and helping out?" I felt rather satisfied with myself when not only did I find a great volunteer job, but they hired a phenomenal, superqualified woman to be the children's ministry director. Victory! I knew God would see it my way.

I love how our Lord lets us think we win sometimes. The superqualified lady they hired turned out to be an extremely beautiful friend and was absolutely the right person for that job. The victory that I thought I had was not what I thought it was. It was in fact, just another step in the plan God had for my life. I didn't know this though, I just went about my business, working at the preschool, mothering my children, volunteering in the Children's Ministry.

One morning, God pressed on my heart that it was time to go on staff at the church. "But God," I replied hopefully, "there isn't a staff position available anymore!" God was clear with me that obstacles like that are not obstacles for Him. I ignored Him. (sounds sinister now, huh?) I drove to work, and listened to Jon Courson on the radio talking in a sermon that was exactly for me to hear- it confirmed to me yet again that it was time to take this leap of faith. I arrived at work and happily turned the radio off right in the middle of a sentence. HA! I was off to my job with the perfect hours (two 4 hour days a week) with the perfect pay (BIG money, plus free preschool for my twins) where I knew what I was doing and loved it.

After work, I hopped in van and turned on the radio cautiously. You're probably seeing what came next, but I was honestly surprised. Jon Courson was on again... where he promptly picked up the message right in the middle of the sentence I had shut off! I pushed 'eject' on my cd player. Nothing in there. I turned the channel on the radio... regular radio stations. I cried a little... then buckled down to listen to the message... preparing myself to do what I honest-to-goodness never thought I would do.

I went home and prayed with my husband. I was sure he'd veto the whole thing and I'd be off the hook. No such luck. It was time to face the music.

The next day, I went to the church and found the overseeing pastor for children's ministry. I cried like a baby as I told him that I was told to come on staff. He confirmed this, so I cried some more. We began to sketch out a proposal of a new position for the church board and our senior pastor to consider. I dreamt big (apparently, dreamt isn't a word, who knew?) and sassily wrote down all the jobs I was willing to do and the wage I was willing to accept. My pastor patiently let me know that the wage I would be working would be half what I was currently making, and the hours I would be working would be about twice what I was used to. My husband backed the pastor of course, and that tiny bump in the road did not derail this runaway train. God was also not deterred by my child care situation. On the few hours they couldn't be cared for by my husband, a wonderful lady and her homeschooled kids agreed to be the twins' home away from home. I had lost the fight.

About the beginning of November, my pastor came to me and let me know that I was hired. I could start as soon as I was done with my other job, and I'd have all those tasks I so sassily thought would keep me from being hired. It was then that I realized that God had planted them on my heart with a purpose, and that it was time to stop fighting and start enjoying.

So, five years have passed. It seems like forever ago. My fears of discovering the underbelly of my church came and went. I do know the staff to be a little more human than I imagined, but that is a good thing. I also know more intimately that God is in charge of this church. It's great knowing you are not there because of people (who come and go) or prestige (which just goes) but because you were told to be there by God Himself. I have the honor of working with some of the most beautiful Christians I have ever had the pleasure to meet. I work in an office with five other phenomenal women who I consider sisters, and I know I am closer to God than ever before.

It's amazing to me that the simple act of obedience can be so hard. Fear and arrogance almost kept me from being part of this incredible team and seeing the innerworkings of God in the lives of literally thousands of children and adults. Even though the tasks have changed, the hours have changed, and my hairstyles have changed with alarming frequency, I can't help but know this is the treat God had in mind all along. I love training teachers, I love learning in the process. I love that God didn't give up on this stubborn girl.

So, happy anniversary to me. Happy anniversary to my team. And Happy Anniversary, Father.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11