I am leaving on Sunday morning for a week to a Children's Ministry Conference. When I get back, I am teaching a workshop for a MOPS group. So I have to, HAVE to get this workshop written this weekend. Here are the facts:
- The topic they gave me is "Harmony in the Home"
- The audience is mothers of preschoolers (and other children)
- Not all of the mothers are Christians, but I am free to talk about Christ
Here's how you can help: Will you please wrack your brain to see if you can come up with wisdom you've learned alone the way concerning how to find harmony in the home? One practical tip that made your house feel more.... "harmonious"?
I'll start you off:
- I discovered that laying out school clothes before bedtime made morning time much less bickery.
- I also learned that time flies. Nothing is permanent except for God's love. Children will eventually eat, sleep, use the potty. Pay attention to enjoying the things you like about your preschooler... cause time flies so fast (and plus,you'll want to remember them when you have a jr. higher! hahaha)
Alright, my friends, I'm counting on YOU!!! lay some wisdom on me!
These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands
Titus 2:4-5
Titus 2:4-5
30 comments:
thanks for directing me here, though i don't know how much help i'll be.
like you, i find preparation the night before is key for us. saturday night i pack a church bag, get our bibles laid out, iron and get clothes laid out with shoes and socks. wash everyone's hair the night before... that helps so much getting us there on time.
one method i use to control the chaos is to group similar toys in rubbermaid boxes and put them in the top of the closet. example: dress up, wooden train set, lincoln logs, these toys can be gotten down one at a time and only when everything else is picked up. it's a small thing but sometimes it helps.
as for a shower, i didn't get one today.
I used to be in MOPS steering. It's a GREAT program. Anyway, if you want my best tip ever. Here it is. "Perfect" moms are liars! Nobody is perfect.. so don't even try to act like it, it's too exhausting. You will spend all your Mom years trying to live up to unrealistic expectations, when you should be enjoying the messy ride of motherhood. ~K
Great advice from the above moms. Perfectionism leads us down a very narcissistic path. Delight (or at least admit) in your weaknesses, ladies. God can help us so much more when we cry out to him than when we stuff everything down in an effort to "have it all together". The truth is, that's a myth, and a dangerous one, at that.
If I had some concrete tips, other than starting and ending with prayer, they would be these:
1. Attend to your marriage first. It's so easy to let it slip and to become "roommates". Don't let it happen! Please! Whether it's putting the wee ones to bed by 7 or having a date night weekly (yes, weekly; be creative if money is an issue and swap with a friend. Or...ask grandparents. Or...see if an off time will work, like breakfast out. Big and I meet for lunch nearly once a week when he's at home. We try to have a date night out at least 1-2 nights a month, too. It does not have to be incredibly long or expensive. Take a drive. People watch at the airport. Go to coffee. You're investing in a relationship which will be a good example to your kids and will last far beyond their 21st b'days (God willing).
2. Take time for you every week. Daily if you can. Even if it's 15 minutes. You're investing in you--putting your oxygen mask on first, if you will--you're totally worth it as the heart of the home. Need to readjust priorties to make this happen? Pray about it. You can do this. Ideas: Going for a walk, bubble bath alone, reading a magazine with a facial mask on, blogging. Whatever fills you.
3. Keep going to MOPS or other groups wherein you can laugh and cry with ladies going through the same muck. There is no substitute for the cameraderie of a like-stained-and-similarly-worn-out mama friend.
4. Find a mentor. Maybe you have a great relationship with your mom. Super. Easy one. However, maybe it's a friend at church or at work. They've been there. Yes, there may be a lot of advice that you have to wade through. This relationship has to be one of those where you can make your own decisions without feeling guilty, just supported. As much as #3 is important, I think mentors who've been there and done that are also valuable because they help give you a healthy, "this too shall pass" perspective.
I hope this helps. You will be so awesome at this MOPs retreat! They are blessed to have you. xxxooogretchen
I totally agree with Gretchen about attending to your marriage first. Our children were always in bed by 7 PM, until they were 10!!! I recently gave that advice to a young mom at church who shared with me that she was weary. The next Sunday, her husband thanked me and said that they had a wonderful week.
Train your little one while they are young. Toddlers can and should help by picking up their toys alongside Mommy. They can throw dirty clothes in a basket, put books on a shelf. Train young so that later, these things are automatic. Don't wait until they are older. They won't do a perfect job, but they will be eager to please.
Take time to play with your children. Read to them. Make playdough. Go outside and jump in a puddle. Time spent together builds a strong bond!
I love that you're tackling this topic. Okay...here's a couple of things.
Laugh a lot. At yourself, at your children, at the mess and the chaos and the tantrums and at the ridiculousness of comparing yourself and your family to others. It's good medicine. Really.
Pick your battles. Is it really worth it to make your daughter wear the red sweater when she wants to wear the green one?? I mean really??
For the things that are important, make your boundaries clear but allow them to have some say in the matter. For example, my 10 year old never wants to wear his heavy coat to school. But, when it's 20 degrees outside, his fleece jacket isn't warm enough. Our "deal" is this...if the high for the day is 35 or below, he has to wear it. If it's warmer than that, he can choose from a couple of other options. Another example is my constantly snacking 5-year-old. I can't fill the kid up! I have pretty firm guidelines for acceptable snacks and finally got tired of trying to remember what she'd already eaten, so I made her 2 paper pockets with magnets on back. One pocket holds popsicle sticks with her "choices" written on them...yogurt, cheese, fruit, protein, veggies, etc. She gets to decide what she wants for a snack and put the appropriate stick in the other pocket. We both win this way. My boundaries are still firm, but they feel like they're getting to choose in the matter as well. Win-win=harmony in my home!
If I think of anything else, I'll let you know...but that's it for now!
Hmm, I agree with the marriage comments- though I have to be honest and say that hubby and I need to spend some more time going on dates.
I don't always love mornings, but just choose to get up early- sometimes that means exercising at 6 am, but if I do that and have a quiet time reading my Bible, I am definitely more prepared for my day. I couldn't do this so well when my babes were little as they never slept through the night, so I learned to be easier on myself then.
I have lots of toys organized into bins and some are labeled with photos as well- good for pre reading skills and then the preschoolers can see where to put things away.
Smile at your husband and children when they walk into the room. Be enthusiastic when you first see them in the morning. Let your kids see that you are happy to see them. This one is really important to me.
Apologize quickly.
This is a gem from my Early Childhood Educator's training. Give your children transition time. Don't just tell them it is time to get into the car. Tell them 15 minutes ahead of time that in 10 minutes you will need them to clean up and get there coats and shoes on. We as adults do not like being interrupted abruptly when we are involved in something- neither do children!
Give your children attention before the day gets rolling- story time on your lap, etc- it can help discourage attention seeking in negative ways later.
Remember- every day is a new day with no mistakes in it...yet. (i remember that line from Anne of Green Gables.). Our God is a God of 2nd chances. I remind myself of this when I feel like I have blown it!
My final word of advice- through out the parenting manuals that tell you what stage your little Einstein should be at. Yuck.
Hope some of that helps!
First off, I love that you include verses at the end of your post! Thank you!
I have for the past several years been apart of my MOPS group here & not only that but I was on their leadership team. So, I know this talk would really minister to me. I'm glad the Lord is using you to minister to these women.
Here's my big tip that I encourage you to share with these women, even though they aren't all believers. There will never be any harmony in the home until your home is founded on Christ. NEVER! My own personal opinion at some MOPS meetings is that it because so concerned with being careful not to offend in sharing Christ that we forget to share the greatest gift we've been given..CHRIST! How could anything else really matter unless He's our harmony. Don't get me wrong, the other things are fabulous & SO needed & I think it's wonderful that you're talking on this, really I do...I would love it! Thanks for letting me go on my soap box about this. I have a passion for sharing Christ with the women at MOPS and my heart is sometimes sad that they might come in & not hear about Christ...it might be the only time they attend. I'll be excited to hear how it went!
Good Luck! That sounds like a ton of fun. I'm not an expert...but nobody is right? I have four girls... so I believe me I KNOW about fighting and hissy fits. The absolute best advice a friend gave me is "Choose your battles". If it isn't eternal, it might not be worth fighting. My girls wore dresses on days they shouldn't have, wore their hair scraggly when I wanted to cringe, and all the crazy things we hope never happen did.
In the end, with two in college, one in high school, and one pre-adolescent, I think they are turning out okay. If we have four kids, we had to parent four different ways... if you have ten kids, you have to parent ten different ways. No matter how many kids you have or haven't had, we're all novices.
Have fun!! I want to hear a daily report on how it's going. :)
You go, Titus 2 woman!
1.) Praise young children's smallest efforts at being 'good helpers' with putting their toys away, etc. They thrive under praise, and it instills the need to regularly tend to tasks that maintain order from a young age. Making a game of simple chores goes a long way with kids.
2.) Make it a point to have meaningful interaction with children at meals. Really talk to your kids, and listen to what they are telling you...listen to what is important to them. This is also a great time to 'remind' (not harp) them about table manners y gently saying, "We need to close our mouths when we chew" and then praising them for things like remembering not to wipe their mouths on their sleeves. It's also a great time to model the importance of asking a blessing on the food, etc.
3.) Have meaningful times with children at bedtime. This could include reading stories before bed, saying prayers or having devotions with them, then make a big deal about snuggling them all cozy in their beds. Kids thrive under routines, as they make a child feel secure. They'll let you know if you 'skip' something on any given night! This really helped in getting our older son to stay in his own bed once he outgrew the crib.
4.) Always greet your children with tender enthusiasm when you've been apart for a time and give them hugs or kisses or some other affectionate gesture (even mussing their hair). This would include mornings and after nap-times. Kids love knowing that you've missed their little selves, and draw a lot of security from things like this.
5.) Read to your children from a young age. This doubles as a bonding time, and also develops 'sit still' skills for preschool and kindergarten. Read enthusiastically, making an adventure of every new story...it develops an interest in reading early, which helps with study skills later on.
Hope these help!
Here are the two things that have save me:
Find some real girlfriends who will be honest about their struggles and then take the time to go to dinner with them once a month. It gives you a chance to unwind and be a girl.
Also, (and this has been crucial) I try not to sweat the small stuff. I don't want to spend my life nitpicking over whether the house is clean enough or what everyone is wearing. I choose my battles and save my energy for the bigger issues.
One of the best compliments I ever received came to me back when I had a 6yo, a 4yo, and a newborn. A lady from church came by to drop off a gift for the baby, and I was absolutely mortified at the state of my home when she popped in. Of course, as most moms do, I felt the need to apologize for my messy house (WHY do we DO that?). My very gracious guest said to me, "Honey, I wouldn't worry about it. THIS looks like a house where kids have fun." That was such a sweet thing for her to say, and for me to hear! And she was right, because I'm not chasing my kids around constantly trying to clean up after them.
So my tips would include something like having a set time each day to clean up. If you're home all day with the kids, let them feel free to get out things and play. Then, say 4 o'clock, or before daddy gets home, or whenever, make it a set "clean-up time". Set it into their routine early in their childhood, and it will stick with them.
Also, as so many others have said, PICK YOUR BATTLES. Think about the long-term consequences of whatever it is you're fussing at your child about. If it's not going to matter next year, next week, or even the next day, it's not that important.
Teach your children to be content with what they get. How? Now that's the real mystery! One thing I've been telling my kids lately is "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." I can't remember where I heard that, but it has helped us!
HTH,
Beverly
(came here from Chickadee's blog)
Hey, thanks for including me in this. What a great topic. Here's what I've learned. It'll mirror some of the other comments I'm sure.
1. Discipline is good. Kids need firm boundaries and it's never too early to start enforcing your rules and guidelines. Babies are smart and if you start teaching when they're young, they'll respect you more when they reach the pre-school age.
2. Kids need love. Lots of it. Just as discipline needs to be consistent, love needs to be unconditional and constant. Loving words, touches, hugs and kisses. Even your discipline should be done out of love and a desire to mold them into the beautiful people God designed them to be.
3. Talk to them. Kids are smart and understand far more than we often give them credit for. Talk to them like they are intelligent creations of God. They will surprise you and grow into your expectations. It's okay to say to an 18 mo. old, "Pick up that cup and put it on the table, please." They understand.
4. No one is perfect. I am NOT Martha Stewart and that's okay. Some women are and that's good, too. My house will never be perfect, but the more I stress about it, the more my kids pick up on my frustration. That's a fast way to drain the home of its joy. Don't sweat the small stuff. And, yes, a messy house is 'small stuff.'
5. Own your mistakes. I have found that taking the responsibility for my own mistakes and behavior, shows my kids that I'm not perfect. It gives them the opportunity to extend grace and forgiveness to me when I have to appologize for 'losing it.' And we all lose it from time to time. We're women and we all have those 'women issues' where we're a little edgier each month. I have learned, on my 'bad' days, to say to my kids, "Mom is just having a really hard day today. I'm feeling very grouchy and edgy. I'm not mad at you. It's not your fault. It's just, mommy's having a day." Kids can accept this. By being honest, it allows them to see that I have bad days and it puts things in perspective for them. They've often said to me, "are you just having a day, mom?" Kids can pick up on it and if they don't understand what's causing it, they'll take things on themselves and feel guilty.
6. Engage them. If you find that your kids are going out of control and the symphony has become a racket, get down on the floor and play with them. Or design a craft time where you engage them in creative play. Sometimes they just need that extra attention. And that's more important than getting a perfectly balanced meal on the table.
7. Kids are forgiving. One thing I hold strongly to, is that kids are born with a natural desire to forgive and love their parents. They will forgive without question. Learn to ask for forgiveness and learn to forgive yourself. We make mistakes as parents. That's okay. Love your kids and they will love you and forgive the small stuff.
8. Give them choices. Kids need to feel and experience some independence. Allow them to make small decisions throughout the day, but limit those choices to fit within your boundaries and parameters.
9. Choose your battles. I've heard it said to pick your battles wisely, because once you've started, you must be sure to win. You can't go part way and give up, or your child will not respect you. They will learn that if they push hard enough, complain loud enough, they'll get their way. Once you've picked a battle - WIN IT.
10. Don't let your whole world revolve around your kids. They are a part of your world, but they shouldn't run it. One thing I have found is a lot of parents give up their lives once they have kids. They give up doing the things they love because their kids need to be home to bed at a certain time. Remember that they JOIN your world, they shouldn't take over it. It's about balance.
Also, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! With your kids, for your kids and for yourself. Read to them - books, the bible - sing with them, dance with them, laugh with them, tickle them, cuddle them, love on them.
I don't know if this helps or not. I'm sure you knew most of it yourself. But this is a passion of mine and I've had the privilege of helping and encouraging some mothers around here. Good luck on your presentation.
Blessings!
I've love reading the other's comments. I don't know that I have much more to add to the wonderful ideas. I fully support the transition time advice. Both of my kids leave without protest when they have a warning of "last 5 minutes" (even if the 5 minutes can be much shorter).
I also found success in talking about my expectations before we enter an appointment,meeting etc. My best discovery for a bad day is 1 on 1 time, without the TV.
Blessings on your presentation. You are a very busy Mom!
When we had our first child, we lived in a very rural town that didn't have a gymboree, a dance studio, a little kids gym or any other "distractions" like that. And that was such a blessing! I didn't feel that incessant pressure to do it all.
When we moved away from there, when my daughter was 4, I worried that all of that pressure would come rushing in. But I resisted.
I think that made a huge difference in our home. Most people are involved in too many things and overextend themselves and their families. Too much unnecessary stress.
Besides, I think those tend to be the places that you end up being surrounded by other parent's that like to compare everything your child is/isn't doing compared to theirs.
The other big thing in my home is reading. The kids have to have a quiet time to just sit and read or write their own story. Fortunately, they love doing this, but this quiet time allows a break for everyone and gets their creativity working.
Blessings,
Karla
Your "commentors" have covered the range well. I SO endorse the don't stress what "everyone else thinks" and "pick your battles!"
An additional: Analyze for crisis prevention. Is it getting ready to leave? Dinner time? mid-morning? early evening? Then devise a plan to nip it in the bud.
For example, we used to have a "spill the milk at the dinner table" situation nearly every day! So we looked for the problem. It was simple: milk glasses on the right hand side of the plate near the edge of the table (near the right elbow!). We began instructing, "put your glass here" "lift with two hands" "Great job". etc.
Our first born began fussing for food (and when he was older, whining) as soon as the smell of dinner hit the air. So as I start dinner, he got a piece of fruit and a small glass of milk -- BEFORE he drove us all nuts by whining and fussing.
Or..."Walk, don't run" makes no sense to a young child. Teach the skill. For a young child to learn the difference, "heel, toe; heel, toe" is walking. Running heels hit the ground first. It has to be taught. Marching works well too as an alternative to running -- (flat foot on ground!) (and it's close enough to correct to pass for now)
Discover your crisis times/places, go for prevention. (Maybe good group activity for brainstorming. Each writes a crisis time/place and the group helps find possible solutions.)
Or not!
I've learned to make all four kids lunch in the morning when I make the oldest two their lunch. This way, even if we are out running errands at lunch time, I am not as inclined to purchase lunch on the go. It has been a life saver and the 3 year olds LOVE carrying their lunch boxes around!
1) Figure out what you need to do to have what feels like a decently clean house - dishes all washed, counters cleaned off, floor swept, for example, and then spend 15 minutes per bed making sure that the house looks okay. Nothing is more discouraging then waking up to a gross house in the morning.
2) Figure out a week's worth of outfits for each kid AND for you every Sunday night.
3) Make a point of dressing for work - put on some mascara and take some effort with your appearance. It can make all the difference with your attitude.
5) Sit down once a week and figure out a simple list of meals for the upcoming week. Then it's not hanging over your head EVERY evening!
Good luck with your workshop!
Hey! I love that you are speaking to your MOPS group. I am a BIG FAN of MOPS!!! It was a lifesaver for me when I moved to a new town with a 4 week old baby, knew no one and had no support system. I have made lifelong friends through this group. Yay MOPS!
Anyway, you have received some great advice here. I'm probably going to be redundant, but here are my two cents.
1) Every night before bed we read to our kids, and lay down with them to chat. We always ask "What was your favorite part of the day?" and "What was your least favorite part of the day?". Some days we don't get much input (I have boys afterall ;-), but there are some days when we have real heart to hearts. My hope is that we are building a real bond and method of communication.
2) I'm with Big Mama on this next one. Find some friends that are real with you and don't mind sharing their struggles. You'll feel free to share yours with them as well. Just make sure that these women are Godly women who will speak truth when necessary.
3) Don't ignore your husband's "needs". I do a much better job of this than I used to, I can still do better! I can say for sure that when I am sensitive to this our home is more harmonious! Also, we can really underestimate the power of this in a marriage. Sheet Music by Kevin Lehman is a great book on this subject.
4) Say you are sorry with no "buts". For instance. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, but you..." Fill in the blank. When you say your sorry that should be it. You can address the behavior or issue at another time.
5) Learn to say "NO!". I am still in the process of learning this. I am a terrible people pleaser, but I am learning. I love Lynn Hybels book. Nice Girls Don't Change the World as a reference for this!
Hope this helps. Let us know how it goes!
You have covered pretty much all the basics but I will add that I have Anna help me with almost all of the housework. I had to do this to save my sanity. She was constantly getting in the dishwasher or tugging clean clothes all over the house. So now we do dishes the old fashioned way and she helps me by rinsing - she is only 2.5 but does a great job. I help with the glass items. A lot of times I will give her one of her cups and she will just put water in it and pour it out over and over lol. She also helps me carry laundry from the dryer to the living room. Whatever I am doing I make sure she feels like she can help me with it. It might take longer than if I did it by myself but it is better than fighting her all the time.
I am a believer of schedules but I like them to be flexible. So we have our routines but the times may change. Like she knows that she will eat her lunch and then go take a nap. Times may vary.
There are days when I would like to pull my hair out. Not necessarily because of anything Anna does but just because. Those are the days that I make sure we go outside if at all possible and get some fresh air. Weather it is at the park or in the yard. I just need the air to clear my head and help me breathe! If we can't go outside we run up the street to the store or something just to get out of the house.
Oh I was doing a Sunday School lesson on orderliness a few weeks ago and it said that God showed us in the way he created the earth that he wanted us to have order in our lives. He wants us to know there is a way to do things to make our lives easier but we need to be sure to leave time out for friends, family, things we enjoy and Him of course. I think this really applies to Moms because we let everyone elses needs and wants to come before our own. Just thought I would add that sorry this got so long lol.
Wow...your profile could have been mine except for the writing part! I am not a good writer but love photography! Nice blog!
Advise that stuck with me was to enjoy your time with them when the are small. They are your ministry, do not over commit to activities or commitments. Who cares if your house is not perfect or that it is even clean. They are going to remember their mommy playing with them and not how clean the house was!
I also liked big mama said about finding real friends who will admit that they do not have it all together. Everyone needs those friends, even once the kids are no long preschoolers.
Someone said date nights and keep your marriage first. This is very important for us in our home!
I loved reading all the comments! I am going to take some them with me and apply them with my guys. What wise blogging friends you have. :o)
I will be praying for you as you prepare for your MOPS talk.
Susanne at Living to Tell the Story just did a post and call out for bloggers to describe how they create peace in the home, which is similar to what you're asking. I spoke at a MOPS meeting this last fall, and my kids are grown! Happy for you about the conference. I work within a youth ministry (also not a pastor) and have been to several conferences. If you are used to speaking/leading, being the audience could prove to be a challenge for you! Have fun!
Let's see. How to keep a home with preschoolers harmonious... It's been quite some time since I had preschoolers (my youngest is 13) but I do remember a few things that worked well for us.
When my kids were whiny or gripey it was usually because they were either hungry, tired or both. I usually had good snacks for them and we always stuck to a good sleeping schedule - inluding naps.
The sleeping schedule was important for so many reasons, not the least of which was it allowed my husband and I to have our own time together.
Sometimes all that was required was to stop doing whatever "important" thing I was doing and get on the floor with them. Even if it was just laying there and letting them crawl all over me.
Another thing was letting them "help" me by sorting socks or folding towels.
You know, the funny thing is I hardly remember the frustrating things about those years. I know we had them so I guess my best encouragement is "this too shall pass". But hopefully not too quickly because I can sure remember all the fun and joy. By that same token, however, I'm thoroughly enjoying my teenagers. Some days more than others, but that's just life. And it's a good one!
After reading all the other responses I thought of two more things:
Both my kids always wanted to pick out their own clothes. So I would lay out "outfits" for them to choose from. That way they felt as though they had chosen what they wanted to wear and I still had control. Some times this didn'g work and they ended up wearing something that made me cringe, but for the most part it worked great.
I also learned to set the ground rules for shopping before we ever went in the store. "You will sit in the cart and you will hold on to the cart. You will not run off. Do not ask me for anything.", etc. It sounds so simple, but it worked amazingly well. In fact, I found grocery shopping with a toddler and preschooler easier than when they were older.
Ach! I forgot one more thing. Play with them, read to them and mostly love them. A lot. I still hug on my kids - even my tall son with the deep voice. And he hugs on me. I know I haven't been the best mom there ever was and have made more mistakes than I care to count (don't think I can count that high anyway), but my kids know how much I love them and that they are God's blessings to my husband and me. And that makes for more harmony than not.
Okay. I'm done now. lol
Wow and WOW! This is an awesome response! Harmony in the home....
Here are a couple I didn't notice...
1.)BE CONSISTENT! This is so important to young children and their parents as well. If your children learn that you are changeable with enough whining - THE WILL DO IT and this will be a stumbling block to them learning how to be content with what they are given. A tip to helping with this is, don't ask of them things you are not willing/unable to enforce.
2.)Set them up for success. Make their environment more conducive to saying, "Yes" than "No". For us that meant putting the safety plugs in the sockets and removing special/potentially harmful breakables in the areas of the home where they spent the most time.(and really we were more extreme than that, but these parameters are all about choosing your battles...)
3.)Learn who God made each of you to be and deal accordingly; i.e. My daughter's chore was to clean the bathroom once a week and it was a job she hated. So - she did it poorly and had to be battled with and sent back several times to get it cleaned properly. She asked if she could be in charge of the laundry instead because she likes to do it. Now she does the laundry. She does it well, without having to be told and without complaint. (Garden Of Grace Ministries is an awesome resource in recognizing specific personality behaviors in children and how to encourage them in ways that are specific to their needs!)
(I think you have enough for a book here!!!)
Sorry I didn't didn't get over here sooner. Man you got some comments... some LONG comments. I used to be the co-leader for our MOPS for a while. It was fun while it lasted.
I didn't read the comments so maybe this was already said... but for me the only way anything works is by having a strong marriage. That's where it all starts... a marriage built on God and focused on him. The house can wait, the 'to-do' list can wait. Your husband can't. We do "couch time" every evening. It's just our time to catch up and reconnect. It's only 20-30 minutes but it's priceless and then we're ready to go ahead with the evening together as a team and it makes a WORLD of difference.
and about the my house is always clean part... mom's need to think about what their house really says. As mom's we all know you can't have a spotless house AND spend lots of quality time with your kids and husband. You CAN'T have both. So women need to think about what a little bit messy house says... it says I picked my kids, my husband, myself over my pride and insecurities.
hope that helps!
One more P.S. from me!!!
The helping idea can be carried into older childhood. I always took the boys grocery shopping. We tore the list in three parts. They became very good little shoppers. "Mom two of these small ones cost less per oz. than the large!" THEN (The Dastardly evil plan) when each was 16, he became the family grocery buyer. They liked it much better than the Saturday cleaning. AND, they were great shoppers!!
In High School (when I was back in college) each of us cooked one night a week too! I now have grown sons who are excellent cooks AND know how to make wise purchases. (They still don't like cleaning, though!)
I kow I am behind the times...but here you go.
Shower at night, after everyone is asleep. I got that from just adjusting to my hubby's schedule, and it has meant more regular showers for me.
Stoping and speinding time to enjoy my 18 (almost 19!) month old is really key. Sometimes, after he wakes up from a nap, I actually find that I missed him! And I am overwhelmed with a sense of how amazing he is, and how much I love him, and I just try to hang out with that feeling for a little while. So pay attention to when a moment like that is granted by our Heavenly Father, and enjoy it.
Quit reading the dumb parenting magazines - at least don't give them much weight. Its kind of the same thing as the fashion mags when you were in high school...you compare yourself to all those glossy ads, and editorials, and see all the stuff you cant afford, and feellike you just gotta have it, and it leaves you feeling so inadequate.
Focus on what the Lord HAS given you, and give Him thanks.
I haven't dealt with the preparation the night before issue that much yet, but we start our new toddler class tomorrow, so maybe I will take that advice, and get ready now. That's kind of the idea behind the shower thing.
Also - be involved in activities that your kids enjoy, and that you can be with them in - but set a limit! I learned that from my smart friend Amber!!! ;-)
-B
"....and to be submissive to their husbands
Titus 2:4-5
I find it not surprising that the first three letters of this authors name is TIT.
God doesn't make mistakes.
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