Aaaaaaand here it comes. The topic I've been avoiding since I began blogging, 85 posts ago. I always told myself that this would be one of the 6 topics that were off limits. Some of that list of 'untouchable' topics are there because they are private, some because they are painful. This is the topic that is both. It's private and painful... it's also beautiful and amazing. Today I think it's time to do it.
I began to sign my emails "His Girl" about 10 years ago. It was to commemorate an amazing work that God did in my life. It was the end of something I had been wrestling with since I was small... my Daddy Issues.
Oh my friends, I know I am not alone in this story. I know this because though I thought I was the only one as a child, statistically, at least half of you reading this post have my same story. Many of you have much more traumatic tales. Mine is relatively easy. When I was about 4, my parents separated. My dad, though he loved me very much, was not able to find it in himself to be a long-distance Daddy. He visited for a while the first few years, but apparently found it too painful to just visit and leave crying kids behind... so at some point, he just stopped coming at all.
Now, like I said before, I had it easy in comparison. There was no ugly custody battle. My mom actually was able to keep a civil tongue about my father in front of us, and somehow I knew I was loved despite his eventual complete abandonment.
My poor dad, though I believe in his heart he meant well, was a promiser. You know, "I'll come back soon and take you to...." or, "What you need is a .... I'll bring you one next time." As these kinds of promises often go, they never seemed to pan out. Sadly, I still had faith and hope. My poor mom wanted so badly to protect my broken heart that she often gave us gifts and trinkets in his name. Unfortunately, this only dragged out the fantasy... though I don't blame her one little bit. She did the best she could with what she had and what she knew.
As often happens in this dark and sinful world, Satan used the weaknesses caused by the break in our family to wreak a little havoc in my young life. Some of those events are still in that top 6 of topics I'm not ready to blog on, but I am glad to say that He was able to use every single of those dark times for good- and I am humbled to say that today I actually thank Him that they happened, not just that He helped me survive them.
But back then, I honest to goodness used to dream that my daddy was going to come and pick me up or hold my hand or something, and that when he came everything would be okay. We wouldn't be poor anymore, and the dark secrets that I was hiding would go away. I would be rescued.
I learned who God was in Sunday School and when I was about 9 years old, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. Though I was a Christian from then on- I didn't know that the cries of my heart for a "really real daddy who will love me and come and save me" were answered that day in 1981. I didn't know yet that He had already fulfilled my wishes on birthday candles and on stars and dandelions by making me the very thing I longed so deeply to be... a Daddy's girl. That didn't occur to me one day until years later when I was praying and confessing that I still was mourning the loss of a father and He lifted my chin and opened my eyes. It was like when Glenda says to Dorothy that she's had the way home all along, right on her feet. I saw that I was truly, truly, truly being raised and loved and cared for and rescued by my Daddy. I had been all along. On that day of realization, I became His Girl.
And that's why tonight was so special. I realized that the tears I was shedding as I snapped these pictures were not sadness that I never had this. They were tears of joy in realizing that, because my girls have such an awesome earthly father, it will be easier for them to understand that they have an even AWESOME-ER Heavenly Father who wants good things for them. They will have a better trust in the Promises of God because they have a daddy who keeps his promises. They will have better faith in the protection of God because they have a daddy who would lay down his life for them without a second thought.
As a matter of fact, I hear that tonight he did the Macarena with them. Now, that's love.
I am blessed indeed. Thanks for letting me share. Blessings to all.
But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God