*Note... this blog was written by me during a moment of that terrible hopeless, helpless feeling that you just can't always protect your children, you can't always make their choices for them, and during the realization that you could possibly do everything right and still find your children behaving badly. Though this still grieves me, a night of meditation on the scriptures ya'll have been providing led to an awakening this morning... a feeling of joy and hope that comes from only one thing... trusting in the God of Hope Himself. Thank you for your words of wisdom, direction to the word, and your prayers.
Romans 15:13
The other day, I came upon something I put aside to show Sing4Joy back in the days of Garage Treasures. I called her to read her the fun note she had written to me sometime during our Senior Year, and she said... "you should TOTALLY blog that."
So, about an hour ago, I sat down to do just that. I considered blogging some more about our friendship, and how cool and nostalgic this find was. I considered pointing out how creative this letter was, and how she folded it my favorite way. I considered even talking about remembering our teen years and was laughing remembering dancing on top of our cars in the parking lot singing Love Shack....
Then I reread the letter, and was reminded once again of our club: The Floozies.
That's right, Floozie. We had convinced ourselves that if we made a soiled (but untrue) reputation for ourselves, boys would like us more. We had a dance, rings, even a handshake.
And then I started to get sad. I am sad that I behaved like that in my teen years. Sing4Joy didn't know Christ then, but I did. I knew who He was and still I spent my entire high school 'career' trying to find a boy who would give me value. I knew the price He paid, and still I based my entire worth on whether or not the world saw me as 'sexy.'
I sometimes use the excuse that I didn't have youth group to go to, or any role models, or... whatever, but the theme of the month for me has been chatting with people with Christian teenagers who are doing really un-christian things. One mom I know found obscene texts on her son's phone, one friend has a teacher telling her about her son sending inappropriate notes to a girl he likes, another teen I know just posted very provocative pictures on her myspace, one mother found condoms in her daughter's dresser, and another just busted her son for drinking at school. All of these are Christian parents with Christian teens. All of these kids go to some form of youth group. Many of these kids go to my son's private Christian school. Some are in public school. Some are homeschooled. All of these parents pray for their children. Most of them daily.
So my questions are these: what could have been done to prevent me from behaving like a 'flooze?' What can be done for these kids who have taken a turn for the scary? What can be done for the kids who have not 'turned' yet?
I like the 'lock them up in a box' theory, but I can't see how that will profit kids, parents, or God's Kingdom. I refuse to think this generation is lost. I can't believe that. I have three incredible people living in my home for whom God has great plans. I can't give up.
So, what? What do we do? Show me the silver lining. I'm losing sight of it. I know God is sovereign. Tell me that it is possible to raise Christian teens who stumble but don't fall.
I know it's not a very cheery post... more of a sad rant. Anybody got the answers?
May our sons flourish in their youth
like well-nurtured plants.
May our daughters be like graceful pillars,
carved to beautify a palace.
Psalm 114:12
like well-nurtured plants.
May our daughters be like graceful pillars,
carved to beautify a palace.
Psalm 114:12
16 comments:
Blessed be the Lord, who daily beareth our burden, Even the God who is our salvation. Selah
God is unto us a God of deliverances; And unto Jehovah the Lord belongeth escape from death.
Psalm 68:19-20
To be honest the teen years scare me to death! After reading your post I did not know what to say, but I felt God placed these verses on my heart.
Romans 8:37-39
37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Proverbs 22:6
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
thanks s4j & jenn.
i'll meditate on those tonight :)
Just tonight, I was listening to Dennis Rainey's program Family Life Today on Christian radio (I think you can listen to it in the archives on their site)and it addressed this very thing!
The speaker talked of a Christian father who thought he and his wife had done everything right with their children, and in the end, their son was making horrible choices for himself to excel in sports.
The speaker, after a long conversation with the dad, showed this dad that he had not prioritized the things of the Lord. As it turned out, this particular family had more or less 'worshipped at the altar of sports' in their home, often missing church for weeks with tournaments, etc., and the son just continued on in the pattern he'd learned (from them) of making 'compromises' in favor of what he wanted to do.
Anyway, the show was actually about the importance of having a family worship time together daily. The speaker and his family do this after Breakfast each day. It's interactive...the kids sing, they take turns reading scriptures, and then the dad asks them each to give an observation, an application and interpretation of what the scriptures mean so they dig a little deeper than ordinary reading. Then they pray for each other.
Anyway, my parental radar latched on to that one because I was so touched. I pray with my boys each morning,and listen to Awana sections, but we've been slack about reading the Bible like we should as a family. And they need to see that modeled and lived out daily, prioritized by their parents if they are to learn a healthy 'pattern'.
Anyway, that really, really hit home with me. In fact, I'm going to run that one by my hubby now...and hopefully begin tomorrow morning.
The bigger my kids get, the more I realize how much I need God!
I have watched Christian parents agonize over their kids as they make bad choices and my heart goes out to them. Many times I wonder if I will have to go through the same thing. We just keep doing the very best that we can and hope for God's best for our kids.
I hear you on this post girl. My heart breaks for these parents.
What a great and personal post. Personal for me!
My son will be 16 in about two months and my daughter is 13. At this point I AM BLESSED! My son often blows me away with his devotion to his spiritual journey. My daughter asked to start a bible study in our home for other girls her age - so we did (much longer God story here, but that's the basics). Right now I am thrilled with where they are.
They both still have a lot of time to mess up, though. Like you say, will they stumble or will they completely fall? I know they're not perfect (I KNOW they're not perfect - lol) and I know they won't always make the right choice. But my prayer (one of many) is that their bad choices won't have lasting consequences.
I do know several college age and young adults who made it through that period with nary a scratch. And that gives me so much encouragement.
I love the scriptures Jenn shared and think on them often when it comes to my kids. Especially the Proverb. I do trust (almost all the time) that God will grow them to be adults after his own heart - regardless of what happens between now and then. It can be very scary at times, though. Especially when you hear stories about other Christian families like you shared.
Parenting is so hard! But so very rewarding.
I so feel what you are saying! I feel like this so often. My boys are little now, but I fear for their innocence as they get older. It is a tough world we live in. I just keep praying that God will protect them and keep them on the right path.
S4J said it better than I could. So did Jenn. I guess for me, I have to realize that our lives will be filled with some sort of pain or another because we walk away from what we're taught, leaving it in the dust for whatever shiny object catches our eye at the time. Why wouldn't a teen be even more prone to this? Physiologically, his/her brain is not completely cooked until the early 20s in terms of executive thinking (e.g. problem solving, judgment and reasoning abilities). Part of a teen's fall away has to be related to the physiology because as teens and young adults, they have to have opportunities to sink or swim, and as those opportunities are given or taken, they will make mistakes.
I think the answer is prayer, and unconditional love. Protect as much as we can, and then trust God. Boy, trusting God is the sticky part for me. We are all screw ups to one degree or another. We've experienced much of the pain that our children will experience because they aren't going to listen to us the first time around. Hopefully, the groundwork in early childhood is laid such that they are trained up the way they should go, and they only detour, not depart.Thanks to the Father, we can look up and forward.
You're right. Parenthood is not for sissies. I do believe, however, that your pain in the Floozy club was used by God to build your character for the woman you are today.
My, I was a bit wordy today.
xxxooogretchen
The amazing thing about God? He allows us to make mistakes and loves us anyway.
I think of the verse, "the sick need a doctor, not the well." Or when Jesus says, "But he who has been forgiven little loves little."
I wrestled with this a lot. I didn't want my kids to suffer the pain I did and endure what I did. I wanted them to follow close to Christ always. But rather than keep them from trouble and hover and control, I allowed them freedom. (Okay, controlled freedom.) I liken it to the prodigal son's father. He knew his son was making a terrible mistake, and I'm sure he talked to him about it, warned him, etc. But in the end, he allowed his son to make that choice-the one that put him in a pretty dark place.
One thing I always prayed with my kids and for them was that when they strayed, they would be found out. It became a joke with my kids, especially my son. He would say, "every kid on the playground could be throwing rocks and nobody would say something. But I'd pick one rock up and not even throw it and the teacher from across the playground would yell my name." It is when we get away with things that they are more likely to become bad habits and such and keep us going the wrong direction. But when the wrongs are revealed in the light, they are more apt to repent and turn back.
The parents and teens you mentioned, sounded like the sins were revealed and not hidden. That is a good thing. How many more are getting away with these things and will lead to great destruction?
(Sorry, didn't mean to go on, but sometimes your posts stir within me.)
what a powerful blog! my thoughts are this...
they are not ours to begin with. they will make dumb choices (we did). and we are not perfect parents. but thankfully God's grace extends to us all.
no matter how much i worry or playout the future, its all up to my relationship with God. in turn their relationship with God is what will determine a lot of their choice in paths.
chin up. satan wants you to worry. no matter what it looks like around us, there is hope and joy and GREAT KIDS! now i'm going to repeat what i just wrote in the mirror to my own face! hee hee.
isaiah 26:3,4
We can't protect them from the things God has for them to learn. But we can pray them through it. You turned out pretty well, didn't you?
Girl, I was so right there with you! I didn't know Christ then, and am so grateful that I do now. I've often thought about what I should let my girl know, and I've decided that I will be completely open with her when it's appropriate. I don't want her to take the "field trips" that I took!
And I agree with Alana...you turned out great!
So glad that you found comfort from the true Comforter. I know what it's like to feel that overwhelming sadness--realization of lack of control. Your kids will be fine because they have you. I'm sure they'll go through bumps, but you've walked the walk for Jesus and they know it. xxxooogretchen
I worry about everything you worry about, but I also ditto what so many have said before me.
I do think that there's a reason kids fall when they are learning to walk. Why would that be different with the Christian walk?
Oh Lord Jesus...protect our young children. Give them a heart that desires only you. Protect their souls from the filth of this world and may they truly live in the world but be not of it.
I do not have teens yet, but I am 1 of 4 siblings and honestly I have asked my own parents this as we all didn't really rebel nor have we turned our backs on the Lord. Prayer is always the biggest answer I get..along with really making sure the family stood tightly together. Family dinners every night in which we talked about everything....everything! Unconditional love & support & realizing that it's God & His Word that is our only Hope! Let me know what you discover as I'll be in the shoes of raising teens someday soon.
Oh, I hear you, girl! I pray my girls have great friends, strong friends surrounding them. Ugh.
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