Not falling for that, huh? Maybe you readers know me a little too well. In any case, it was just as you thought. I did not exactly start trusting and obeying right away. What I did do is start a habit of praying for my husband every day. Every.single.day. And then I waited. Pretty soon my prayers started to change. I stopped praying that God would make my hubby into a great leader, and started praying that He would prepare me to be a great follower. And then I waited.
One day, my hubby said out loud for about the billionth time, "I really should go ahead and get my Bachelor's degree. I'm never going to get ahead in this field unless I bite the bullet and get moving." Before this conversation with God, my usual answer would vary from, "Where on earth are we going to get the money to PAY for this?" to "Someday we should pick someplace and just do it." I was just about to open my mouth to say some variance of these things when I remembered my prayers. Instead of the usual, I just said... "Whatever school you choose, I know God will find a way to pay for it. If you're ready, you have my 100% support." Imagine my shock when he said, "You know, I think I'm going to do that!"
Then I gritted my teeth. I knew very well that following the lead of my husband did not include picking a college for him, getting student loan on his behalf, and then filling out his registration papers. I also told myself that we would be proving God wrong on this one, cause there was no way on earth my hubby would do this on his own. Not that he isn't capable, he's a very very smart guy, I just didn't think he'd self-motivate. I figured that's what he had me for.... right?
Nope. That man went out that week, applied for the college, registered, and secured the loans. He was ready to go within 7 days. Gulp! He IS ABSOLUTELY able to do these things without me! I went to the Lord humbly the next morning in prayer....
"Father, I know that You only want good things for me, so I know that because you want me to follow my husband, it's for my own good. I know that You will make sure he will lead us to somewhere spectacular, far beyond what I could ever think or imagine. I saw what you did with the little bit of trust I gave to you and to Jason. I want to see more. I know I can't unless I am willing to hand over the reins.... so, I'm ready to do this. *deep breath*
Lord, I hand over our entire future to You. I ask that You whisper Your plans to Jason about what you want us to do after he graduates in 2 years. Whisper just loud enough so he can hear, but not so I can hear. I am willing, Lord, to follow Jason and trust that he's following You- and I'm willing to do it without knowing or interfering. I give you permission to do whatever You will with our lives. Call us to stay here, and I will stay happily. Move us anywhere, anywhere, anywhere, and I will follow. I will not question my husband or You. I will go where you send me. I know you have a vision for Jason, and that he doesn't need me to tell him what it is. I know that You can do so much more when I am not in the way. I want to follow, Daddy. I want to trust and obey with such blind faith that You alone get the glory. I will follow no matter what the path."
can you guess what happened next? stay tuned.
You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.