I have often been guilty of being less than honest with myself. Mostly, I lie about my reasons for doing things. I constantly have to question my own motivations.For example: Am I doing this (training teachers, teaching workshops, whatever) for Jesus, or so people will like me? There is a line in the DC Talk song, What if I Stumble? that says this:
Is this one for the people? Is this one for the Lord?As a ministry leader, a mother, even as a small-time blogger with a tens of readers, I feel a huge responsibility to keep my heart pure.
Or do I simply serenade for things I must afford?
You can jumble them together, my conflict still remains
Holiness is calling in the midst of courting fame
People may be pure in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their motives.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I ever allow myself to soak up praise or glory or attention that does not belong to me, I am headed for a big ol' crash, and I'm taking others with me. Pretty sure that's not cool with God:
But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea.And before you think that I'm taking the responsibility too seriously, consider this:Mark 9:42
My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. James 3:1Although I hesitate being put under this blanket, (of those who are held to a higher accountability) I also think it's fair. I expect my children's English teacher to spell better than the average person, don't I? It stands to reason that any person who leads in even a small capacity would be able to walk straighter, no? I would imagine that God would want us to read that scripture there in James to remind us to keep in mind that when we are teachers, we are like sheep herders- if we tumble off a cliff, those who are following us are certain to plunge to certain death as well. I may not feel like a leader all the time, but as long as anyone is looking to me for direction (even if they're "only" kids) I suppose I am one by default.
Because I am a mother who (hopefully, at least on a good day) teaches my children, because I am a trainer who (again, hopefully) teaches teachers, I can't afford to walk around with a deceptive heart with impure motives- for I'm 100% certain that deception will eventually ooze out and contaminate the ministry that God has before me. Does that mean that I won't/can't/haven't/don't every day mess up? Of course not. But I do sincerely believe that I'm expected to make a daily effort to pick up my cross and follow Him. And to do that authentically, I have to actively pursue a clean heart, and solely rely on God to purify it for me.
How about you? Are there any areas that you struggle with being true with your own self? If it's not making sure your motives are pure, is there another area you are not being honest about? Why? More to come.............