what lies beneath.

This morning during prayer time I had a lot of 'business' to take care of. I was beyond nasty yesterday to my husband, and though I had fixed it with him, it was time to deal with the heart issues with God. Seems that's the only way to really keep it from coming back.

That totally makes me think of this neverending project that we've been doing here. Getting our home clean and tidy. I went in to scrub the tub the other day and was HORRIFIED at the amount of (get ready to judge me here, and if you have a weak stomach just turn away) mold or mildew or whatever was all along the caulking between our fiberglass tub and the tile surrounding it. I tried to scrub it off, and while it looked muuuuuuuch better, there was still this nasty greyish hue to what should have been clear silicone.

So, there I was, on my knees in my big oval tub deciding if that was going to be 'good enough for now' like it usually is. I kneeled there for a while, then I had to admit it wasn't good enough. I started peeling away at the sealant, pulling it carefully off of the rim of the tub, when I noticed it was worse than I thought. As I ripped it off, I discovered that under the grey-ish clear-ish silicone caulking was dark, black moldy mildewy nastiness that had been lurking waaay beneath the surface. I rolled my eyes into the back of my head. ugh. so much for early to bed....

I went to the internet and discovered that a)this is an extremely common problem (thus saving a teensy bit of my dignity) and that b)there were some steps that MUST be followed because if we were to just reseal the tub, the growth would just come back right away. First, we had to get every last bit of the caulking out. Then, we had to spray it with this anti-mold, mildew, fungal junk- waaaay deep into the cracks and then let it dry. Next, my husband cleaned off the junk with rubbing alcohol, and went to the store to get a special mildew-resistant caulking. While he was there he picked up a new bathroom fan. Apparently, because we have no window in that bathroom, and the fan has not been working for years, the moisture had no place to go and that was exasperating the problem. After that, he carefully reinstalled the caulking.

Isn't that a great picture of sinful behavior? When we recognize we're being rotten, we can try to fix it on the surface. We can apologize, we can vow never to do it again. However, if we never deal with the sin... if we never go to God to repent... if we never ask God to show us the heart fungus that lurks beneath the surface... it's doomed to grow back. A repulsive visual, but pretty accurate.

Yes, I could say I behaved badly because I was tired, overworked, and I could really blame the situation. But the truth is, if my heart wasn't harboring some pretty nasty selfish thoughts, I would never have reacted the way I did.

It's true, if I scrubbed the tub more often, or if the fan was fixed years ago, the mold wouldn't have grown so badly. But circumstances don't create the slime, they just bring out the stuff that lurks deep within... just like my very crummy day yesterday.

So, today is a brand new day. I have fresh caulking on my tub, and I'll be able to use it soon. I have a fresh perspective on my heart, and it's my hope that I won't be behaving like such a shrew, at least for a long, long time.

Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or else make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for a tree is known by its fruit. Brood of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heartbrings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.
Matthew 12:33-37