When His Girl asked me if I'd be interested in guest posting at her blog, I was honored and thrilled to do so. But then comes the question...what to blog about? Hmmm? So as I was
In an effort to focus my thinking and make any sense, here are my thoughts on this subject in list format.
Thoughts on an Unequally Yoked Marriage:
1. My marriage is just as holy to me as one where both parties are believers. And I try to be Biblical in all my decisions with Big, even if he's not there. E.g. I see him as the "head", and me as the
2. It's so important to me to have pastors who are real about my not having a church-going spouse. They have been nothing but kind whenever Big picks up one of the children from a church activity, etc. They, I think, have really created an atmosphere where he doesn't feel judged the minute he sets foot into the building. Obviously, just as important, they pray for him, too. And for me and the children. One of my pastors with whom I'm especially close always tells me to honor God by honoring Big first. I love that support. He even told me not to tithe, if Big wasn't supportive. These are things that I think about when the offering plate comes 'round. And I have to tell you, I do send in an offering, and I'm glad that I can, but it's not as much as I'd like to give. Compromise.
3. Know that if you ask me to be in a home group, that's just one more evening away from my spouse. Because he won't come. Even if he were bought-in, he's shy. NOT a joiner. I wonder if that's why a lot of men don't come to church.
4. Know that if you have a church-based party, I will probably decline your invitation. There are some exceptions--when I feel like going stag-ette is okay--but not many. This actually stems from a bad experience we've had. I took Big to a party, and he knew there would be a lot of believers, so I imagine he was intimidated, but he knew this particular party was important (going away), and he liked the folks being honored, so we went. Things were going quite well until a guy started talking about church:
And then he left us, mouths open. Quickly making excuses and leaving the party. It's taken about 5 years, but I've recently a get together at my house (with folks from church). I won't do it unless I have his blessing, and I did. It was a little awkward, but overall, okay.Where do you go to church?Um...I don't go. Gretchen goes...it's not really my thing right now...(pause)That's bad...That's really, really bad.
5. I once got the great advice to treat Big as if he's already saved. So, really, that's what I try to do. Also, on any given day:
We pray at the dinner table (and sometimes he does, too, though not always
in Jesus' name)
We lay hands on him if he's traveling and pray over him.
I pray over the kids as they go to school (which he sees if he's taking our
daughter to school).
The kids and I pray over this and that throughout the day.
I'm t.r.y.i.n.g. to model Biblical principles, such as forgiveness and
Bible-based confrontation to my kids
I ask Big and the kids for forgiveness. Because I blow it every
day. Many times.
6. Know that it's hard to fight the spiritual warfare on a Sunday morning to drag us all to church, fed, dressed, on time. In this area, I feel like a single parent, and I pray against resentment. Aren't Sunday mornings the worst? Satan would love nothing more than to ruin a day devoted to God. And guess what? I do miss those leisure mornings reading the paper and having donuts. Not enough to stop going to church, but sometimes the busyness of Sundays (alone) can get to me.
7. Know that a kind word about my husband will melt my heart. I believe that Big will go to heaven. I believe that he will turn to God and that this redemption will be the most incredible story in his life. But the waiting can be discouraging. And the "Dad doesn't go to church, so why do I have to?" can get a little old. Thus making the prize even sweeter.
8. I'll end this post at 8. Here are 2 verses which have become my encouragers about my status as an unequally yoked wife. Maybe they'll encourage you or someone you know:
1 Corinthians 7:12-14 (New International Version)
12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
1 Peter 3:1-5 (New International Version)
Wives and Husbands 1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands,
Soli Deo Gloria!