The sequence of this study was well designed. By the time we got to this portion, I was ready! Is this offensive to you God? Let's get rid of it! Am I sinning? Remove it! Take it out! I don't want it! I want to be free of these burdens! I want to follow Jesus! Go!
And then I started reading the scriptures:
- Herein do I exercise myself, to have always a conscience void of offense toward God, and toward me. Acts 24:16
- So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23-24
However, everything isn't as simple as just going out and righting wrongs, and I found out through multiple conversations with ladies in the study that each of us had some specific points to consider. Between us, we wondered:
- What if the person I've sinned against does not know I said this horribly mean thing about them?
- What if the way I've sinned against someone was in my heart and not out loud? I'm afraid that confessing this to them will cause this person pain/cause them to stumble.
- What if there will be consequences when this person hears that I sinned in this way?
- What if I've already apologized, but the person still holds this over my head? Do I apologize again and again?
- What if the person I've offended has expressly requested no contact from me/won't meet with me/won't answer my calls? Our study guide advises against letters or emails. How far should I go to make peace?
- What if I feel confident I haven't sinned, but know for a fact that someone is still offended by my words/actions. Can I make peace without compromising my commitment to be authentic and honest with God and others?
Do you have a scripture-based opinion on one of the above 'special circumstances?' Please share!
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4 comments:
I'm too convicted to comment. I def do NOT have a bias towards action on clearing up a bad relationship with someone. This is the 3rd reminder in as many days that I need to examine my motives, etc. regarding this person.
Sign, much?
This is just hard, yucky stuff, but the shower, even if with Brillo pads, is worth the effort.
Reconciliation with others is important, but if they're not ready or if the situation (after praying over and hopefully gaining discernment) isn't ripe for change, we might not always be able to open up or put boundaries on healthy communication.
At that point, we're still responsible for our part. So, if we go to God with this on our hearts, I can only think he'd bless it.
Responses are never always cut and dry. Relationships are living and breathing therefore no cookie cutter treatment can be force onto them. I have found some generalities through counselling.
If the offence is public then the reconciliation is public. If the offence is private (in your heart) then the reconciliation is between you and God.
When reconciliation is sincerely sought with an honest redemptive heart, and forgiveness is not returned, it is to be left with God. We can erroneously move into control and manipulation with expectations of the other person to respond in love. We can also return right back to offence when they don't return favorably which is showing our motives weren't for unconditional love initially .... the condition was an expectation of returned forgiveness or we will withhold our apology. What we do is open our heart to them unconditionally, regardless of their response period.
Handling offence and woundedness, although amazingly painful, is an amazingly opportunity to reveal Christ. Our responses to being wounded or having wounded someone else can reveal Him as no other way will. I'm not speaking of being a doormat but saying that the scars we wear from keeping an open and therefore easily hurt heart show His unconditional love so powerfully. "I will love you; I will find His image in you; I will enjoy who He made you to be; I acknowledge that you are a valuable person regardless of your beliefs or actions toward me" are statements we make with our lives [more than our words] toward people.
Christ loved us while He was been beaten and whipped. He showed that by the scars he accepted. He knew we didn't know what we were doing and forgave us in our ignorance [Father forgive them for they know not what they do] He was offended and still loved.
I think I understood this better when I was hurt by others and saw that Christ's response to hurt was to still love, to keep an open heart. Knowing I can't change myself, I could now lay down my stubborn, offended, rights craving, bitter will to Him to change me from the inside out as opposed to the outside in [behavior management].
.... and it's a journey; a process; lifetime I assume. But it's a love affair too to see a little more what He took to keep tight with us.
Re: the exercise - YIKES!
your responses - WOW!
I am humbled.
Bravo, God!
Kudos, ladies!
Great study!
OUCH! Thank you for sharing! :)
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