Toothless old hag.

*warning: long, whiny post*

I have this total aversion to the dentist. I always think that it's irrational, but every time I go there it ends up costing a majillion dollars and hurting a really lot. Some people have really great teeth, but I am not one of them.

For the last maybe 20 years, I have been a daily flosser, brusher, and otherwise oral hygiene fanatic. Apparently, this is not enough to make up for bad genes or whatever. About every three years I have to sell a limb to pay for some procedure or another even though I have excellent insurance.

So this week, this crummy, crummy week, I started to get a little tinge of a toothache on Monday. By Tuesday, it hurt so badly that I made an appointment with a new dentist. This dentist was very nice, but after looking at my xrays said there was not one thing he could do about it, that the tooth actually looked pretty good, so I would have to go see an Endodontist. He gave me some antibiotics and superduper motrin. I made an appointment for a couple of weeks later to get an old root canal redone. UGH.

By the end of Thursday, I was getting desperate. The pain was still stinking awful, so I went back to the dentist to get a script for more powerful drugs and also to change my appt with the endo for Friday. I had a class to teach at 1pm, so I made it nice and early so I could recover and go teach.

When I walked into the Endo office this morning, they took a quick xray of my dreaded tooth, and the Endodontist says, oh yeah, um... you have a 'fractured root.' Then he just sat there like I now knew everything I needed to know. Finally, I was able to drag out of him that what he was telling me is that the tooth is unsaveable, that it had to come out, and that he doesn't do that. I'd have to go back to my primary dentist to make that happen.

I was sad and stunned by the news, and even more stunned when they collected my copay on the way out. sheesh. Then, I called my primary dentist whose office said they could get me in to see the oral surgeon on OCTOBER 14TH!!! (well over 2 weeks away) I burst into tears, and had to call them back to beg them to get a better appointment.

Anyway, they found an office just about 15 minutes away that could take me, but only if I hurried down there right away. While I drove, I thought about the news I had just gotten. It all started to sink in. The tooth that was about to be pulled was in a bad, bad spot. You see, a few years ago, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. I went in to get 4 pulled and woke up to see that they had yanked out 5. Evidently, the bottom right wisdom tooth had wrapped its roots or something around the molar next to it, and they had to pull them both.

Can you guess where this fractured-root tooth was? oh yes... right next to the void created by that lovely procedure. That means that I would now be missing TWO teeth back there... making a strong case for the bizillion dollar dental implant procedure I am now certain to have. Cue the tears. I wondered if I could just leave it, but then the pain started up again and I realized that pretending it wasn't a problem would not work.

So, now I am crying, and talking to my bestie on the phone, and pulling into this dental office full of people I've never met, signing papers, texting Gretchen, and trying to maintain some sort of composure, when I realize I was seriously queasy. Whether from nerves, or Vicodin, or the major pain, or Murphy's law, I had to go take a visit to the ladies' room to lose the banana I had for breakfast. Lovely.

So, anyway, once in the procedure room, I plugged in my ipod, shook hands with the cute doctor and laid back to breathe in the laughing gas. Only, it didn't make me laugh... it made me cry. Big, hiccuppy sobs as two grown men worked together to yank out my stubborn tooth to the tune of Amazing Grace in my headphones, all the while sticking needles in my gums because I could still feel major pain. Finally, it came out... I heard the doctor say he was glad he took it out, there was a major abscess under there and no wonder I was in so much pain.  nice. A nice nurse sat with me while I recovered, sobbing and carrying on for what felt like forever.

I stumbled out of the office, called the school where I was supposed to teach, and canceled. Because I am a professional, I cried like a baby, trying to apologize through the gauze and Nitrous Oxide haze.  As I drove home, my dear friend Lisa kept me company on the phone, checking to make sure I was really okay to drive. I was and she even managed to make me giggle a couple of times through my tears of self pity.

Once home, I curled up on the sofa, blubbered and cried at Sus who was so kind to call and check on me, and fell into a deep, deep sleep.

And that all happened before 10:30 am this morning.

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I'm feeling remarkably better now. Who knew? I have FINALLY stopped crying. I'm not sure I've cried that much total over the last year! And though not looking like a toothless old hag is going to cost me my firstborn's college savings, I'm really glad to get that thing out of my mouth. No sense holding onto a useless, fractured, abscessed tooth. 

Now that the blinding pain is subsiding, I'm able to look around and see if there isn't a God-lesson in all of this. Is there something I'm holding onto unnecessarily? Something that looks fine to the naked eye, but is really just fractured and abscessing under the surface? I don't know... but tonight I think I'm going to say a little prayer, thanking God for good friends, decent health insurance, and for holding my hand in the form of Amazing Grace on my Ipod. While I'm at it, I'll ask Him to search my heart with His xray and let me know if there's anything that He's been wanting me to get rid of so I can be closer to Him.

And I might throw in a ps about not having any more dental procedures ever again in my entire life. ugh.

I leave you with a really long scripture verse... it's so beautiful and comforting that I couldn't choose which part to include so I'm just pasting the whole thing

(no photo, friends. the chipmunk look is not flattering at all. trust me.)

   O Lord, you have examined my heart

and know everything about me.

   You know when I sit down or stand up.
      You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
   You see me when I travel
      and when I rest at home.
      You know everything I do.
   You know what I am going to say
      even before I say it, Lord.
   You go before me and follow me.
      You place your hand of blessing on my head.
   Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
      too great for me to understand!

   I can never escape from your Spirit!
      I can never get away from your presence!
   If I go up to heaven, you are there;
      if I go down to the grave, you are there.
   If I ride the wings of the morning,
      if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
    even there your hand will guide me,
      and your strength will support me.
    I could ask the darkness to hide me
      and the light around me to become night—
       but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
   To you the night shines as bright as day.
      Darkness and light are the same to you.

    You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
      and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
    Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
      Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
    You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
      as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
    You saw me before I was born.
      Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
   Every moment was laid out
      before a single day had passed.

    How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
      They cannot be numbered!
    I can’t even count them;
      they outnumber the grains of sand!
   And when I wake up,
      you are still with me!

    O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
      Get out of my life, you murderers!
    They blaspheme you;
      your enemies misuse your name.
    O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
      Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
    Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
      for your enemies are my enemies.

    Search me, O God, and know my heart;
      test me and know my anxious thoughts.
    Point out anything in me that offends you,
      and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Psalm 139 NLT