*note: this marks the end of our first quarter in our online virtual Bible study. It also marks the open enrollment for the second quarter of the study. If you are interested, you can find out more information here: www.backpackingthroughjoshua.blogspot.com
my life looks ridiculous right now. actually, it looks hilarious.
well, at least to me.
I know there will be lots of people who won't be laughing when they hear my current undertakings. They will judge and tsk me behind my back. To my face they'll say 'I don't know how you do it' which is french for 'You are a crazy nutjob with messed up priorities.' They'll tell me I am overdoing it, and if I get ill they will say that my schedule, not germs are what are the cause. I know. Other people miss calls or forget to answer texts, but if I miss one, it's because I do do too much.
and I'd love to tell you that's fine if that's what they want to do,it doesn't bother me- but if I'm going to be perfectly honest with you...
I hate it.
I hate clenching my teeth and biting my tongue and trying not to defend myself. I hate that I feel confident that God is telling me to do what I'm doing until I get greeted by the tsk'rs and then the self doubt starts creeping in. I hate that they can't see how it all makes perfect sense.
until it occurs to me that it makes no sense at all.
here's a condensed version to my current lifeprojects:
maintaining a marriage that's approaching it's 20th year(trumpets, please)
caring for 3 kids-- two tweens and a student driver
keeping a home that is filled with the above and 3 pets
working part time on staff at my church
enjoying the company of amazing friends
writing a Bible study
consulting for 3 schools
writing a school newsletter
speaking at 6 upcoming conferences/MOPS meetings/schools
writing an online Bible study for 60 +/- women
attending school at the local community college
and the newest...
registering for 'big girl' college-come spring, I'll be officially enrolled in the Bachelor program at a private Christian college.
Like Joshua, circling around a wall, trusting that it will fall down with a shout, I am doing something crazy right now. Of course not everybody understands it. I don't understand it myself. I don't have time to do this right now. I don't have money to do this right now. I don't even NEED to do this right now for my job or career or anything. But the truth is, at least half of the things on the list above, I wouldn't be doing if it weren't because God told me to do them. (more than half on certain days *cough, cough stinking teenagers, cough cough*) And each thing that added I thought, 'I cannot even imagine one scenario in which this is going to work- I just don't see it'
and here's the kicker that made me try them anyway...
I DON'T HAVE TO SEE IT!
I am following an omniscient God. Do you know what that means? It means HE KNOWS STUFF!!! In fact... HE KNOWS EVERYTHING!!! So why on earth would I follow my own plans that, even with my powers to think things out to the nth degree, are limited at best? Why wouldn't I follow the Guy who has already seen my life through, knows the outcome of any choice I could possibly make, and thinks this path is the one I should take? If God says I should Go to BigGirlCollege, who am I to say it won't work? Why would he tell me to so something that is bad for me?
Any more than I would tell my children to run with scissors, quit doing homework, drink and drive, and take up smoking.
So, like the rest of the study, I'm realizing how important it is that I have an accurate picture of who God is in my heart. Knowing who Jesus is turns out to be the only thing that can really change my behavior. It's the only thing that can help me trust, obey, follow, endure... it's the only thing that can help me press on when something makes no sense. It's the only thing that can make me not worry what others think.
Because God is omnicient, I'm honored to look ridiculous to the world in order to look obedient to my God.
Now, would someone please save the link to this post to send me when I lose my mind and start to think going to BigGirlCollege is too ridiculous?
So the Lord was with Joshua, and his reputation spread throughout the land.