New Year.

This year.

Oh, this year.

This wonderful, horrible, beautiful, stupid year.

I could tell from the beginning it was going to be ... different.

In fact, early on I titled this 'The year of obedience'- a vow to work at keeping perspective and focusing on obeying God no matter what the cost- and I was pumped up and ready to take this year on!

Of course, about a year ago:

• I wasn't a full-time college student
• I had two more grandparents on earth
• My church family was seemingly intact
• I was ready to teach all the way through the book of Joshua in an online study
• The biggest deal with my son was counting down 'til his 16th birthday
• My daughters were easygoing 11 year olds full of optimism and sweetness
• All my appliances worked
• My roof didn't leak
• I was (some really big number) pounds lighter
• My dental history was significantly less traumatic
• My expenses were several hundred dollars less a month
• I blogged on regular basis

What I discovered is that obedience is difficult under any circumstances, but in the midst of serious homework, deep grief, shock and hurt, disappointment, loss, disgust, shame, terror, irritation, pain, fatness, and unexpected expenses... well, it's downright impossible without God. In fact, if I would have known how hard this year was going to be, I think I would have called this 'The year of pampering' and skipped all the trials altogether.

but God.

I love stories that have a 'but God' in them... the ones where everything seems bleak or hopeless- impossible or ridiculous, and then the whole story turns around. And that, my friends, is exactly true in my story. While  I can't say that about halfway through the year the story changed and I lived happily ever after, I can tell you with certainty that in the midst of these trials, God's goodness was woven into every fiber. And that made 2011 worth a closer look.

You see,  I maybe could have fast forwarded past college, past the deaths of my grandma, Ruby, in December and my grandpa, Bud, in March, past our church family's Big.Fat.Mess (which is a waaaay bigger part of this story than I can write about at this time), past the point when I had to confess I could not 'do everything' and put the study on hold halfway through, beyond the worry of my son being a licensed driver and having a supercute girlfriend, past the intermittently hormonal personality change of two 12 year old twins who shall not be named, skipped the failings of several major and minor appliances, past learning the effects of stress eating + homework on the size of one's butt, past the trips to the dentist for major work, and past the new expenses of a new car payment, insurance on a 16 year old kid's car, and all sorts of other new bills, and beyond the life-induced coma of my blog... but God knew the exact path that was necessary for what He had in store for me.  And had I asked Him to take me around the rubble instead of through the storms? Well, 

I would have missed out on some really amazing things:

• The birth of a long-prayed for nephew
• The work of God as a comforter, restorer, rebuilder
• The joy of celebrating 20 amazing years of marriage in Washington, DC
• The strengthening of my relationship with my husband
• The thrill of surprising my bestie in TX as a treat from her husband
• The new friends I made and cherish from the part of the study that we did get to do
• The lessons I learned and needed from the first half of the study
• Seeing my son grow into a more responsible, thoughtful young man 
• Watching my daughters become young ladies much more gracefully than I ever did
• Seeing how fun it is to have a car that can fit more than just our family in it
• Counting my blessings and realizing that my trials, though hard for me and no less traumatic, are insignificant when compared to those of people in much more desperate situations then my own... people who have lost children, spouse, homes this year. 
• Watching Christians pull together to take care of a horrible situation the best they can
• The satisfaction of standing firm for God's plan instead of running and hiding for my own
• Deeper, richer, truer friendships
• The excitement of finding clearanced-out stainless steel appliances and the ridiculous joy of having them in my kitchen 
• The silly thrill of a 4.0 GPA
• Trips to CO, TX, GA, and AZ
• The re-connection with several friends I haven't heard from in years
• The new, closer, more dependent relationship I have with God- because of His care for me, I have more faith, stronger resolve, better character... and best of all? hope.

So... back to the Year of Obedience ...

This year.

Oh, this year.

This wonderful, horrible, beautiful, stupid year.

I am grateful for the lessons learned, the blessings given, the chances to obey. I am happy that I chose to press on and not crawl in my bed and finish out the year in my bed. I am happy for the chance to watch God work in times of tribulation...

But most of all?

I'm glad it's over.

Here's to 2012- the year of Hope. Not my will, Lord, but Yours.

-HisGirl,

amber

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us

Romans 5:1-5